Non-Knitters Say the Darndest Things!

We’ve all run into them. The well-meaning but clueless non-knitter who feels they must interrupt your precious knitting time with an unwelcome comment or two. Usually it’s a simple exchange and they’re on their way, but sometimes, some days, I seem to be just bombarded with ridiculous comments and I must remind myself to “just keep knitting” and keep my mouth shut. Here are some of my “favourite” comments. I’m sure you have a few of your own.

Them: Knit two, purl two! Ha ha!
Me: *Polite smile*
What I wish I could say: No, I’m doing a k2, 4-LC, p1, yo, p2tog lace pattern repeat, thank you very much.

Them: What are you making?
Me: A sock.
Them: Just one? HA HA HA HA HA!
Me: *Polite smile*
What I wish I could say: Well, Dobby, I could knit both at the same time, but I don’t like to show off.

(Ok, really, I just don’t like doing two at a time, but that’s just my personal preference. Props to anyone who does!!)

Them: What are you making?
Me: A sock.
Them: You know you can get those at Walmart, right?
Me: Not these! *polite smile*
What I wish I could say: If you can walk into Walmart and find a pair of hand knit, hand dyed 100% merino wool fair isle knee high socks that actually fit me and weren’t made by slave labor in some 3rd world country AND cost less than $100, then perhaps, just perhaps, I’ll re-consider my personal ban on Walmart…but I doubt it.

Them: My grandmother used to crochet!
Me: Did she? That’s nice. *Polite smile*
What I wish I could say: This is KNITTING, not crochet, you silly human! Maybe if you had paid a bit more attention to your crafty grandmother, you’d know the difference! Bad grandchild!

Them: I don’t have the patience to knit!
Me: It’s actually very relaxing. *Polite smile*
What I wish I could say: The only reason I haven’t strangled anyone yet is because I’m knitting. And, because I don’t want to take the risk of breaking one of my Lantern Moon US size 1 rosewood DPNs. These babies are expensive!

Them: That’s pretty. Will you make me one?
Me: No, but I’ll teach you to make your own. *Polite smile*
What I wish I could say: You have no idea the time, money and energy that goes into making a hand knit item, do you? If I actually totaled up the cost of the yarn and my hourly salary and sent you a bill, you’d faint. I didn’t start knitting to make money!

And then, my favourite one of all:

Them: *Some sort of ridiculous mime that they think resembles a person knitting but mostly makes them look like they’re doing the chicken dance, very poorly.*

Honestly, I never know how to respond to that!